Welcome to Stupid, Evil, Horny where we take 1 of each of those and just down them with a big shot glass of industrial bleach. This week we have the swollen brains of QAnon with a surefire cure for the coronavirus, ironic timing on an immigration ruling for the ages, and a pole-dancing feud between a Super Bowl stripper yacht and Miami’s city commissioner.
Stupid: QAnon Guzzles Bleach to “Cure” Coronavirus
Awarded by: Carl
Dunking on those lovable scamps over at QAnon could be a recurring feature on this site, since the collective is a unique blend of ultraconservative boomer brain melt plus improv conspiracy theory jazz. The content is always entertaining, confusing, and even illuminating as a keyhole into a specific strain of mutant American.
The World Health Organization recently declared the coronavirus an official global health emergency, with recommendations to limit travel to China among other basic preventive measures. China itself has basically shut down and a new wave of sinophobia has sprung up in the illness’ wake. So what did the citizen journalists in QAnon do? Track the virus to some secret government lab? Yes! But what else did they do? They drank bleach. Or rather a bogus “Miracle Mineral Solution” that is an industrial bleaching agent called chlorine dioxide.
That did not dissuade uber-QAnon Jordan Sather (with 116K Twitter followers and 206K YouTube subs) from bragging he would drink all the bleach he pleased.
Part of all of us, and you know which part, wants to applaud these absolute simps for drinking industrial chemicals as health tonics. The real issue is not that consenting adults with semi-functional frontal lobes are consuming water treatment chemicals, it’s that they feed this shit to their kids. The paranoia surrounded medicine stems from decades of a pharma industry presenting every opportunity to distrust it, meanwhile being supported by a decaying, profit-driven system that everyone hates. But this is a new level of dipshit, and nothing will stop the Q’s from kicking back shots of Clorox.
Evil: Public Charge SCOTUS Decision Has Horrific Historical Precedent
Awarded by: Krill
In May of 1939 the MS St. Louis carried more than 900, mostly Jewish, refugees to the United States. Fleeing from Hitler’s Nazi Germany, they believed the country that branded itself a bastion of hope and freedom would welcome those fleeing persecution.
They were wrong.
Over two hundred of them would go on to die in the Holocaust. Deaths the United States has wrung its hands over in the subsequent 81 years. Deaths politicians claimed taught a valuable lesson. A striking example that came to represent the tens of thousands of other Jewish refugees who’d been turned away during the course of the war and concurrent genocide.
A lesson was learned, but not by the USG or many of its citizens. The real lesson is, if you’re in need, you can’t count on the United States, and that lesson is being forcefully taught yet again.
On January 28th, Holocaust Remembrance Day, the Supreme Court ruled in favor of the Trump administration’s broadening of the Public Charge rule. A rule stating that immigrants can be turned away if they will be a “burden” on the state. Meaning, if they ever use means tested public services for any period of time. The very same rule used to deny the passengers aboard the St. Louis refuge in the US so many years before.
By denying visa, green card, and other immigration related applications based on the standard of wealth alone the United States is once again demonstrating the only deeply held values it has. Fuck the poor and white power. It’s hard to imagine a clearer manifestation of American Evil.
Horny: Super Bowl Stripper Yacht Party In Rough Waters
Awarded by: Krill
Miami has a reputation. We’ve all heard the Will Smith song. I hope you’ve all heard the Pitbull song. My point is few things capture a place as perfectly as the ludicrously wealthy, big jiggly butts, and super yachts.
This weekend, all three are to be combined in celebration of the Big Game. That’s right, one super-yacht owner has put together a massive party which will supposedly include over 100 strippers flown in from Atlanta. Oh, and Nicki Minaj and 21 Savage too, but that’s not really important.
What is important is one (allegedly) extremely corrupt City Commissioner, who’s famously horny for punishing his enemies with arbitrary code enforcement, is taking aim at the football-stripper-super-yacht. Former Mayor and current Miami City Commissioner “Loco Joe” Corollo is going after the sea-faring soiree using, what else, arbitrary code enforcement. Apparently, the ocean just isn’t zoned for “adult entertainment”.
In this battle between the hornt and the corrupt there can only be one winner. I think I speak for us all when I say, “Solidarity With the Stripper Yacht!”.
After this battle is won, we can move on to supporting the efforts to recall Loco Joe. His baseless attacks on the horny community, and all the (alleged) corruption too I guess, must finally come to an end.
Babes Ahoy!
Carl Wilhoyte is the co-editor and co-founder of Zero Balance. His work has appeared in Street Fight Radio, District Sentinel, Abomination Magazine, Bourbon Penn, and Farmhouse Magazine.