The Democratic Party is not, in fact, a political party. This is fairly obvious to anyone honest observer or really any person outside the United States. There is no Democratic Party membership. Anyone, literally anyone, can be a “Democrat”. There is no membership vetting process, there are no membership requirements, and one need only register to vote as a Democrat to be considered a “member” of that particular political club.
But club members do not get to vote on party business, party policy, party leadership, or literally anything of substance when it comes to the so-called “party”. No, the Democrats resemble something much more familiar to the average American. It offers them the sort of agency they’re much more used to. The Democartic Party, both in legal fact and organizational structure is a business. Businesses don’t have members, they have employees and customers. The agency employees and customers have over them are the only variety of agency Americans can conceive of; don’t like your job or the service you receive and you vote with your feet or your dollars.
In fact, to my mind, the Democratic Party most resembles a specific kind of business. The national pizza chain.
This isn’t some kind of deep political treatise or theory, but instead an extraordinarily tortured metaphor, but one that’s kept popping into my mind for years now. So, I’m going to take a moment and subject you to my Papa Joe’s ‘Theory’ of American Political Parties.
The first thing to understand about the structure of both the national pizza chain and the Democratic Party is that they are decentralized, franchise based, businesses. At the top of the organizational structure as it exists is “corporate” which runs the test kitchens, creates the product and advertising templates, and provides a style guide to the franchisees.
While they may run a number of stores themselves, their primary purpose is to set the boundaries for ‘quality’ and ‘style’. They rarely intervene in franchise decisions unless they move too far outside the bounds of the brand, but they always, always, expect to get their cut of the profits each year. If a franchisee doesn’t pay their dues or deviates too much from the style guides, they can’t use the branding, and might just get taken to court.
Corporate is, well, corporate. They have the money, they have the power, and their interests take precedent when it comes to making decisions. They can’t exert total control over the franchisees, but as long as everyone is making money they usually don’t need to. Corporate and the Franchisees will always work hand-in-glove to keep the employees in line.
The Franchisees are almost always local or regional. Little fiefdoms run by enterprising individuals with enough money to buy in, or the means to get the money to buy in. They’re left to their own devices in organizing their shops as long as they adhere to the branding. They’re even allowed to offer menu items tailored to their localities’ tastes, as long as they don’t get too creative. Their real purpose is to create the infrastructure so the ubiquitous and relatively homogenous product can be found anywhere in the country, and then pay corporate its cut.
They have some power in influencing the direction of future product offerings and deals. They might come up with a two large two toppings for $10.99 each with the purchase of a two liter beverage and cheesy bread, or a $1500 tax credit for families with two or more children under the age of 14 when they purchase a new hybrid vehicle.
Next we have the customers. Generally upper middle class urban and suburbanites who don’t have to eat pizza, but are always the biggest spenders. Why, they’re the ones ordering hundreds of dollars of pizza for their kid’s soccer teams, or their rotary club’s charity car wash. They don’t necessarily love the taste of the product, but if they believe in anything it’s brand loyalty. The other chains are trash, and while everyone knows the national chains aren’t good their preference is the one that’s the least bad. These are the people featured in corporate’s commercials during primetime TV.
This is the Ideal Customer. Sure, there are other demographics, but these customers only complain about the delivery drivers and the assistant store managers. As long as the Regional Franchise Manager or Corporate step in to offer them a free large one topping and cheesy bread to make up for the behavior of the horrid employees, they’ll remain loyal.
Finally we come to the most retched, most tortured, most low of all those involved in the pizza business. The store employees. The pizza cooks, and most of all, the delivery drivers. They know only rum, sodomy, and the lash. They’re victimized by the customers. Berated, stiffed on tips, pranked, poked, insulted, and trod upon. They’re barely getting by on the tipped minimum wage and mileage that doesn’t cover the wear and tear on the car. When something goes wrong it’s always their “fault”. When something goes right? They receive nothing in return. Nothing from corporate, nothing from the franchisee, and only if they’re very lucky and the customer is feeling very generous, a tip. Always less than they deserve, and always less than they need.
In both this ridiculous and stretched to the breaking point metaphor and real life it’s these workers who make DNC/Corporate and the State/Local/Franchises profits/power possible. When the business fails its the fault of the store employees. When the business succeeds its the triumph of Corporate successfully wooing the customers.
Sure this theory is mostly just a shitpost, but the underlying concept is rock solid. The Democratic Party is not a political party. It is an extension of business. It is an extension of capital. You are not a member. You are an employee. That makes you expendable. Some people would tell you to try and change it from the inside. Others would tell you to quit and find a new job.
Me? I don’t want to work for another greedy racist. Doesn’t matter if it’s Joe Biden or Papa John. I want to quit and burn the metaphorical store to the ground. In fact, now that I think about it, Papa John’s Pizza is probably better than the Democratic Party. They eventually fired their leader for saying too much racist shit. I guess at least one of the two really does care about their brand.
Jean Krill is is the co-editor and co-founder of Zero Balance. His writing navigates the many disparate visions of a radically better future.